Love Dare
Posted June 12, 2009
Rebekah
On our wedding day, I stood hand in hand with Donald and committed to try my best… and we tolerated each other ever after.
The truth is my best is never going to be good enough or have any real impact on our marriage and the eternal fruit that could come of it.
In reality I stood hand in hand with Donald on our wedding day, and there was no question in my mind about whether our marriage would truly last. I wasn’t worried because I knew marriage was not something we were trying on for size, I was very aware we were making a covenant not only with each other but before God. I imagine making a covenant sounds incredibly daunting, and it’s certainly not something I ever want to take lightly, but I truly believe building your marriage on the foundation of a covenant is an opportunity to invest in something eternal. Building our relationship on a covenant means that there is no thought or threat of divorce, and our arguments take us somewhere, they lead us to repentance to God and each other and we grow and learn to love each other more and more. It also means to me that our wedding day was only the beginning, not the peak of our love for each other, but the first taste of the life God has purposed us to live together…
Donald
What does that mean? The chapter does a good job of explaining the deeper meaning of the word. I made a covenant with Rebekah the day we got married. It wasn’t a covenant taken lightly or second guessed. I knew that I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, no matter what. Sure there are days when its tougher than others, but never in my vows was their an escape clause or a exit strategy. Could you see that on a wedding program, a footnote that reads “all vows are null and void if either party isn’t satisfied in the duration of their marriage and can exit at any point that they see fit”.
Marriage isn’t easy, its a covenant not a contract. Both of us are humans, we are sinful natured and selfish this covenant is a selfless act of love. It goes against our selfish nature, so there must be a continual renewal of that covenant, much like our relationship with Christ. This covenant I took with Rebekah is a journey of growing and learning. The ultimate joy in my life is finding out God’s destiny for our lives together.
-Donald and Rebekah Desloge
Posted June 11, 2009
Greg:
We met during the summer of ’92. Melika was visiting home during the break from studies at U.C. Santa Cruz. I was in the Army, and after having just graduated from a lengthy technical school, was stationed just outside her home town. We met through mutual friends. From the beginning, we couldn’t spend enough time together. When time came for Melika to go back to school, neither of us wanted the story to end there. I would drive three hours each way, so we could spend a day together during our off time. I’m not sure at what point it happened, but somewhere along the way I just knew. I knew that we were meant to be together, and that someday she would share my name.
Fast forward a year and half. As is often the case in the Army, nothing is static. I came down on orders for Okinawa, Japan. Again, neither of us wanted the story to end there. I proposed Melika accepted, and in short order we were married; we literally had less than a week between our wedding and my shipping out.
I went from one of the easiest duty stations in the Army, to one of the most difficult. It was six months before Melika and I were together again. Once she arrived, I was either on alert and moving out, or waiting the few hours for another alert call. I would come home, drop off gear caked with mud, make sandwich, and leave for the next exercise (with few words exchanged between). Melika had never seen this side of the Army. She was used to receiving the best of what I had to offer, not the scraps that were left over after an exhaustive day (or week, or month, or … you get the idea). To Melika, this wasn’t what she had come to know and love about me, and it certainly wasn’t what she signed up for. To me, she knew I was in the Army. She enjoyed herself when we had time together, and now it was time for her to do her duty and (to use an Army phrase) “suck it up and drive on!”
To say our relationship suffered is an understatement. We exchanged choice words on many occasions. Worse still, we did many hurtful things to each other. There are things that are like a rung bell: once said or done they cannot be “un-rung.” I’ll simply say it was a very difficult time for us both. Though we considered ourselves Christians, neither of us were practiced in our faith. If any good came from our difficulties, it was that we turned to the Lord for help. We found that as our relationship with Christ grew, so did our relationship with each other.
Our first wedding was not quite “justice of the peace,” but it wasn’t far from it. I had always promised Melika a proper wedding. Fifth anniversary, tenth anniversary, and so on … the years passed, and the promise remained unfulfilled. This past October, Melika and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. At long last, I was able to provide Melika the kind of wedding she deserved so many years earlier. More importantly, we renewed our marriage vows and commitments before the Lord – without whom there would be no 15th anniversary to celebrate.
Life can be difficult, and our relationships even more so. I am thankful for Christ my Lord and Melika my wife. If not for their love that never fails, truly I would be lost in more ways than one.
Melika:
Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8)
Love never dies; love is unending; love never gives up. God’s Love living in me is unchanging; God’s will is that that I am a conduit of His Love in my marriage.
Even when Christ was betrayed, rejected, and unreciprocated by the ones He cared about, He continued to love them. “His love is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 When life is together challenging, when we are “drifting”, or when our relationship is just a “drag”, I pray that God give me the power and resolve to follow Christ’s example, to always love you as He has loved you, as He has loved me. I depend on God’s Word for inspiration and guidance. I compiled some scriptural principles to remind myself that in accordance with God’s will for my life… Love never fails.
When you________, I must remind myself__________. God’s Word says___________.
You are undeserving, Love cares more for others than for self. “…God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
You fail to meet my needs, Love is not self-seeking; Love is unconditional. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?” Luke 6:32
You reject me, Love perseveres and never gives up; Love keeps giving anyway. “… Love endures all things…” 1 Cor 13:7
You are ungrateful, Love is kind, not proud or arrogant. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27
You are unloving, Love keeps no record of wrongs; Loves puts up with anything. “…Love bears all things…” 1 Cor 13:7
You act harshly, Love is not easily angered; Love always looks for the best in you. “…Love hopes all things…” 1 Cor 13:7
You say you don’t love me, Love is patient; Love always trusts God. “…Love believes all things…” 1 Cor 13:7
You make a mistake, Love is not rude; and doesn’t revel when others grovel. “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36
When I__________, I must remind myself___________. God’s Word says____________.
I feel unloved, Love never fails. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
I feel discouraged, Love never fails. “…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Romans 8:26
I feel like giving up, Love never fails. “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” Psalm 118:1
-Greg and Melika Montalvo
Posted June 10, 2009
If we stop and think about God’s tenacious love, we come to the realization that there is no element of our life that escapes his care and intense interest. It doesn’t matter if it is seemingly mundane actions or fantastical dreams. For instance, Sarah was doing the laundry the other day and discovered that she had accidentally left a sticker on her new dress, and it was now permanently part of the dress. God told her to use duct tape to remove it. She thought, “But, God, they’re both sticky.” And God responded by saying, “Just try it.” It worked! This helped Sarah to understand how much God cares for the mundane actions (laundry and a new dress) that she deals with. This is true with our fantastical dreams as well. Even if they do not come to pass they absorb our God’s interest and he does not dismiss them carelessly. Likewise, as we grow in our knowledge of God’s love, we find that we also begin caring for our spouse similarly. The dreamer is more important than the dream. It is unwise to dismiss dreams because they probably won’t come to pass, because when we do that we miss an opportunity to experience our spouse on a spiritual level that is deeper than what our eyes see. It touches the core of who God has made our spouse to be gives us the opportunity to delight with God in His work.
Here is an example from our life of the effect of affirming and not dismissing one another’s dreams. For Sarah’s 22nd birthday, Joe got Sarah a particularly thoughtful present. Knowing that she appreciates high-end fashion and fancy foods, he took extra care not only in the planning of a fabulous date, but also in the details of presentation. He planned the date exclusively around her interests, taking her shopping for an outfit at her favorite boutique and trying sushi for the first time. Both of these things meant a lot to Sarah, because she knew Joe doesn’t like shopping at all, and that he would try no new foods if left to himself. Joe did both of these things with enthusiasm and without dismissing Sarah’s particular dreams and desires as ‘unnecessary’. Joe invested more time and money than would seem ‘prudent’ based on our busy schedule and tight budget. But the return has been substantial in that this has helped Sarah be able to confide her dreams to Joe knowing that he cares for her in and of herself.
Joe now dearly loves sushi. 
-Joe and Sarah Daniels
Posted June 9, 2009
John:
Love Agrees in Prayer. Both Cindy and I have felt unqualified to write about this topic—I more than Cindy. We both have active prayer lives, but they have often been separate. I know that Cindy prays for me every day, and she is quick to tell me; I need to learn this from her.
During the Love Dare, I’ve learned something that Cindy has known all along: that agreeing in prayer is one of the biggest steps we can take in generating an intimate and fulfilling relationship. During the past three weeks, as we’ve tried to pray regularly at night, I’ve found myself enjoying the prayer time more; enjoying time spent praying for Maria, who is graduating from High School, Evan and his classwork, and Rachel with all of her activities.
When Cindy and I agree in prayer, I know it makes her feel supported and loved (She tells me this all the time; I just need ears to hear). What it gives me is an added confidence (like my back is covered). It also makes me feel that life is not a competition, but a partnership: with my wife and with God.
Cindy:
John and I had not been praying together on a regular basis. I think Jim asked us to write on this topic to encourage us to “get going”! So… for the past several weeks we have been making an effort to pray together before going to bed. Sometimes there is a sacrifice to do this. On occasion John has had to forego his “wind-down” time of reading in the evening and I have had to leave some things in the house undone until a later time.
Besides the obvious of two people praying together furthering God’s kingdom, here are some benefits from a wife’s perspective:
1) Both seeing John occasionally give up what he wants to do to pray with me and hearing him pray for me, say a very loud “I love you”.
2) The times we’ve prayed together have given me a greater sense of unity with John. Even when apart during the day, I have a greater sense that we are a team with common purpose.
3) I feel more secure because I know John is looking out for me.
These things spill over in how we relate to one another at other times. When you are for the other and know your spouse is for you, you are more likely to overlook petty differences and small offenses in every day living.
The dare at the end of Day 37 includes the challenge to spend the daily time in prayer yourself if your spouse is not willing (or unable) to do so. This especially spoke to me. If John has a late evening meeting, is out of town, or is just plain exhausted I can still keep this time set apart to pray for him and the children. This has helped turn some resentment I have had toward his work schedule (a negative drain on our relationship) into the positive energy of support and encouragement.
-John and Cindy Van Aalst
Posted June 8, 2009
Elizabeth:
Well, after reading some other blogs, apparently it’s a theme that God is lovingly “calling out” some of us with these Love Dare blogs. Of course, I’d just confessed to my women’s accountability group that I struggle with reading the Bible daily when Adam tells me our topic for the blog is “Love is God’s Word”. One day earlier and I would have had smooth sailing with accountability! Doh!
When I try to read my bible in the morning or with Adam, I find myself living out Romans 7:15 in repetitive and frustrating way. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” It’s actually as if my sinful flesh has a mind of its own and is working against me before I even realize it. I sit down on the couch to read the Bible and suddenly I’m in the kitchen making coffee. I sit again, with renewed focus, and read for a bit, then I’m in the bathroom starting the shower, or in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher, or making a mental grocery list and my spirit self is startled back to conciousness. The sin living in me is strong, especially so when I strive to strengthen my spirit.
Even now, though, I am encouraged by the Spirit. “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18) As the war is waging between my body and mind, I have already won with Jesus Christ. I cannot carry it out, but He can. I can faithfully commit to daily reading myself and with Adam, and Jesus will be faithful to the commitment that I make. What a great friend he is to us!
Adam:
It’s easy for me to say that the Bible is God’s word. It’s easy for me to accept it as truth and intellectually assent to it’s validity. I have had experience when the Word of God has changed me, directed me on the right path, and been the only thing that could have helped me in life. This is the sweetness of the word that David talks about in Psalms 119:103.
But there is a commitment of the heart that the Word of God demands that isn’t as easy for me. I can see that reading the Bible is “good” for Elizabeth and me, but when it has been a month since we have read it together, I must ask, “How much do I trust in God speaking to us together through it?”
I must ask “What else has received my attention and focus in my marriage? What have I worshiped besides the Word of God, Jesus, through my marriage?” It’s just a book in one sense that is printed in Illinois, at least my copy, but in the sense of it being God’s Word, it is the vehicle he uses to direct me and my bride through His Spirit and change us. Why wouldn’t I commit to seeking Jesus through the reading of his word with her? Why would I just want to read it alone?
Lastly, why haven’t I taken responsibility for reading the bible with my wife? Initially, I would like to point the finger and say well, “She is always tired when I want to read” or something else that is equally irrelevant and inaccurate. But my love for her and God is demonstrated by what I do and why I do it.
Therefore, I commit to reading the bible on a daily basis with my wife, not just alone, because my ultimate love is to know the sweetness of Jesus. My hunger for Him drives me to hunger for Him with my wife and take responsibility for doing all I can to promote an increased hunger inside of her.
-Adam and Elizabeth Dawson
Posted June 7, 2009
Becky:
Wow, what can I possibly say, except, you gotta be kidding…I have to have a blog discussing accountability!!! I do know without much thought given to it, that is definitely an area of weakness that Bob and I have. It is so much easier for us to withdraw and WAIT until the darkness passes.
I have to be honest and say that this is an area that I have to personally work on. Without a moment’s hesitation, I am accountable to Bob and the love and trust I have with him. Of course, without a doubt, I am madly in love with the man. But to be accountable in all aspects of love and in God’s example of love, am I lacking…without a doubt! Would I want to be totally transparent and ready to expose all of my vulnerabilities, weaknesses and holes in my dedication to the love Christ so freely showed us, paid for us, died for us?….that’s embarrassing…how much growth I have to have!
I know that originally Bob and I were supposed to blog on endurance and I have to say that I would be able to comment on that pretty thoroughly since we have been married for 32 years and have been together since I was 16 and he was 18. Now I am 53, and he is 55 and we are still an item. I think that is endurance! But…accountability…another ballgame we have here.
I know without a doubt, God gave this topic to Bob and me and I so humbly ask for prayer to be able to follow through with full accountability and transparency with my weaknesses and failures to exemplify the example of love and accountability that Christ showed in all circumstances. I fail at that miserably.
What about Bob:
I’m glad Becky did her blog first – this cat is out of the bag! Our assignment for this chapter has to be some sort of Divine appointment. Love is accountable – I know nothing of this. It’s a start. Baby steps. Pride and fear of being “found out” keep guys from seeking wise counsel, myself included. Nothing new, the nation of Israel probably wandered around in the woods for forty years cause the guys didn’t want to stop and ask directions! “It is not good for man to be alone” extends beyond Eve, no doubt. I remember the empty tic-tac-toe grid that Michael Fletcher (?) said needs to be filled up with your local Paul, Barnabas, Silas surrounding you. Mine is sort of empty.
Gratefully, pastors and fellow believers at Grace have knowingly and lovingly have urged me to step up/out but I have kept them somewhat at arm’s length. I have been so blessed and plain lucky to have had Becky as a wife and mother of our children. We have been blessed to have friends and family that as believers helped us maintain some sort of balance through all the years. With God’s grace and your prayers, I endeavor to persevere.
-Bob and Becky Link
Posted June 6, 2009
Bernie:
Today I noticed one of my children doing chores around the house with a happy heart! This child isn’t characterized this way and it blessed me to see him having fun cleaning our home. He even said, “Is there anything else I can do for you, Mom?” Man, how exciting and beautiful that was to see and hear! It was beautiful because he obeyed and didn’t gripe and complain. It was exciting because he was discovering God’s hidden joy through serving others. I made sure to tell him how that blessed me.
Today’s Love Dare of celebrating godliness challenges me to notice and encourage the godly behaviors and efforts in my spouse. I want to speak specifically to the husbands.
One day each of us will stand alone before God and the first thing He will call us to give an account for is how we treated our wives, how beautiful we made them. (A side note: Being right in an argument with your wife is over-rated. Driving her into the ground with your tone of voice or words to prove you’re right isn’t making her beautiful.) Today’s challenge does help us to ascribe value, encouragement and strength to our wives by complimenting their godly behaviors and efforts.
I have to remind myself to speak up and thank my wife for things I see and am grateful for. I tend to take things for granted. There are the “spiritual” things like praying, reading the Bible…but what about being responsible, being on time, ensuring I come home to a clean house, choosing her words carefully to honor me when talking to a girlfriend about our disagreement, correcting a child with calmness instead of anger, biting her tongue in the heat of an argument, forgiving me. The list of godly behaviors we can thank and encourage our wives in goes on and on.
Celebrating godliness…For me this has to include a thankful heart before God, thanking my wife directly and sometimes bragging on her before others. Of course, some celebrating demands some sort of reward!
Lisa:
I believe the word “godliness” is rather intimidating to a lot of people. At one time I viewed it as a state of near-perfection, unrealistic in its standards and not even attractive to others. I had a wrong perspective of what godliness is all about. Look at Jesus. People crowded about Him all the time, longing for a glimpse or a touch. Something about Him drew them to him. Yes, He had compassion and love, but also passion and godliness. His godliness did not reject people – it separated them from their sin so that the person felt accepted while the sinful action was condemned.
I don’t know how many times I’ve started the day with a time of Bible reading and prayer, dedicating my time and efforts to God, then gone through the day no differently than any of my neighbors would. If I want to be godly in character, I need Jesus to live His life through me. It’s real, it’s attractive, and it’s powerful. When I see my husband displaying godliness, it is attractive to me. It encourages me to do the same. Our kids see it and embrace it as part of who they are. It’s not about trying to be good in God’s (and people’s) eyes; it’s about knowing who we are in Jesus – righteous, clean, godly. It makes me want to encourage Bernie to continue in his quest to know Him more deeply. Contrary to the world’s opinion, as we move closer to God and become more like Him, we don’t distance ourselves from others. Instead, we have His heart to reach out to those in need and draw them to the One who heals, loves, accepts, and forgives. Godliness is a beautiful thing.
-Bernie and Lisa Oeschsli
Posted June 5, 2009
Lisa:
When I think of this section, “Love Completes Each Other,” I think of living in harmony. Harmony reminds me of my joy of singing with others. We know that one cannot sing harmony alone and that it takes two singing different but complementary notes to be harmonic. While one’s “life song” can be sung alone, another joining their song in harmony enriches the journey.
There are times when one or the other hit the wrong note. Sometimes it’s hard to know who, but we know it didn’t sound right and needs to be worked on. It’s my experience that when we come together in harmony it produces a joyful sound of amazing grace.
Randy:
While it is easy to say that my wife is just what was missing in my life to complete it and make it perfect, I think that misses the view that God makes us whole. However, there are aspects of my like that I has never have known possible without my spouse! Who knew how much I did not know about myself, how I tick, and when I should tock. I certainly was missing a feminine perspective for any decision I was used to making. Grocery shopping is one of those things that guys do quite differently as well as home furnishings, car maintenance, and leisure activities. I remember coming home with a great deal on a can of beans for dinner. My excitement about that was short-lived. A complete meal (I think I am beginning to understand) requires something from each food group, but more importantly each color group. Who knew that color was equally crucial for my clothing, car, and home interior! I am definitely living more completely than on my own!
-Randy and Lisa Van Buren
Posted June 4, 2009
Courtney:
The beauty of a committed marital sexual relationship is such a gift. The ability to connect with one’s spouse in a way that no one else can, allows for healing and peace in the midst of life’s trials. In a world fraught with sexual temptation, it is such an encouragement to me that I can be a part of helping my husband guard his heart, as well as help to protect my husband from seeking fulfillment in other ways, simply by meeting his needs in this area. In meeting his sexual desires, I often find that I present a more tangible demonstration of the love, kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor and forgiveness I may have neglected, or not desired to demonstrate throughout my day. As I make sex more of a priority, I choose to serve and love my husband in the way he needs. As I serve my spouse in meeting his needs, I find that I free him to care for my needs. I am thankful for the healing and unity God has offered through the meeting of sexual needs. What a delight to know that as we serve one another in this way, God is honored and His desire for unity in marriage is uniquely fulfilled.
Marco:
In an attempt to follow suit in a long line of deep and meaningful Christian acronyms, I would like humbly add my efforts.
Single people can’t have it.
Everybody likes it.
Xyzal is an allergy medication which may inhibit your ability to meet sexual needs.
Learned something already? Well we’ve only just begun.
On a few occasions Courtney and I have mused about the genius of our Creator in how He has given us such a strong attraction to each other and desire to share sexual experiences early in our marriage relationship and how that so “coincidentally” shares space on our time line with feeble attempts at handling conflict in loving, kind, gracious or Godly ways often leading to emotional pain and separation. When I am hurt or broken nothing is more encouraging or rebuilding than intimacy with my wife. It’s acceptance. It’s support. It’s a lot of things. Even if she is the one who hurt me through our struggles to learn how to communicate or love, she is still the one that God has put in my life to support me and build me back up. I really believe that based on my vows before God and my wife, He has instilled in me a desire to not want it any other way. God is my source for all things and He has put my wife and I together as one flesh to help us experience all He has for us through each other. Sex has built confidence and trust and has reconnected and unified us in the way God intended when He knew we would need it most. We are constantly under attack and Satan wants nothing more than to destroy any couple with the desire of emulating Christs character in marriage. When we are disconnected emotionally and physically it becomes so difficult to fulfill Gods purpose for each other. So God created sex and we were unified and “one” and God saw that it was good, and I agreed.
-Marco and Courtney DeConto
Posted June 3, 2009
Allen:
You will be tested in this area of your life, individually and together. Whether you know it or not the pressure and busyness of everyday life can creep in and the next thing you know you are in the midst of someplace in this thing called marriage that you did not want to be. That’s just the truth. I think of the Scripture that says: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4 KJV) If I walk in truth I can be as transparent as possible, I can be vulnerable. As I leave and cleave to my Bride than I can trust myself to God and trust myself to her.
For me the key is to lay down my life daily and take up my cross and follow Him. I can cling to my wife and she not be the end-all to meet all my expectations. As I pursue God, than I can pursue my wife and live in peace and unity with her and she be able to meet the needs that I have without my expectations becoming greater than those needs. In turn, it will become the same for myself in meeting the needs of my wife. My expectations of meeting her needs will not become greater than the need itself. There will be peace. There will be unity. I can love my Bride and I can lay down my life as Christ did for (us) the Church.
I remember during our wedding ceremony I did not (would not) take my Bride’s hand until her father placed her’s into mine, because there is a transfer of covering that occurs at that point in time. A new life had been born and it is my solemn vow, my covenant, my oath to guard this life called marriage, that it may prosper and bring forth the glory of God in the earth.
June:
When I thought of the process of leaving and cleaving I saw how it takes place on many levels. We need to leave the perceptions of how marriage should be as defined by our parents marriage. There were strengths and weaknesses in how our parents related to each other in marriage. However as we endeavored forward in our marriage I could see that God wanted to “break the mold” and have us relate to each other in ways I never saw modeled in my parents marriage. I think we want to drift toward the familiar and it is sometimes hard to break free, step out and trust that God can meet us in such a vulnerable spot. He can and does and makes our marriage relationship unique and lasting, built on the love of God instead of the understanding of man.
-Allen and June Haggy
Posted June 2, 2009
(Since this chapter is on unity, we felt it would be most appropriate to write this one together)
The concept of unity in marriage is easily discussed but can be challenging to practice. The Bible commands husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..” (Ephesians 5:25) Paul writes that “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies” and that “wives should submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ” (Ephesians 5:28,24). And while we have all heard these passages many times, what does that actually mean in a practical sense in our marriages? What does it mean to become “one flesh” with our partner?
Ben and I have discussed many times over the years the struggles that we face individually that impede our unity as a couple. One struggle that we both share is with our sinful natures of selfishness. Ben and I were both the youngest children in our families and our closest siblings are seven years older than we are. Therefore, in many instances, it is as though we were only children. Needless to say, sometimes we don’t like to share! No, in all seriousness, it is difficult at times to truly submit to each others desires before our own. It is only through prayer and God’s grace to share His love that we are able to overcome our own selfish wants. It is powerful to recognize that we should love our spouse and sacrifice for them just as Jesus did for us. It is truly a joy to steward this awesome gift of marriage from God.
Marriage is a journey. Becoming “one flesh” with our partner is also a journey and not a destination. It is more than sharing your home, your finances, and your lives. It takes a continual commitment to learn about and to grow with your spouse. We are trying to continually nourish our relationship, and unity, through small groups, books, and quality time together. Hopefully in sharing what we are working on today in our marriage in regards to unity will help you. One small thing that always helps us is to revert to one specific verse: Proverbs 12:15 “The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man seeks advice.”
-Ben and Krystal Glover
Posted June 1, 2009
“The chief end of man is to glorify God BY enjoying Him forever.” – John Piper. Love’s motivation is my satisfaction. There is simply no way around it. All humans are hedonist at heart. We simply only do want we perceive will give us our greatest satisfaction return.
This is important when reading a chapter like this. It is true that marriage has it ups and downs – sometimes very high ups and very, very dark downs. It is also true that the focus of our love for our spouse is found only in our worship for Christ. It is also true that it is hard work. I know there have been a ton of times when I’ve had an argument with Tiff and I know I should apologize first and just don’t want to. Then I hear that voice of Christ saying – “I loved you first.” Then, often more in obedience to Christ than love for my wife, I go and apologize. It is hard work… but it is work that will bring satisfaction.
The key to my satisfaction in marriage is NOT found in Tiffanee, though she is very satisfying for all that I need and want in a wife. The key to my satisfaction in marriage is in God. As I am to increase my satisfaction in Him, He guides me in how to satisfy the needs of my wife and, in return, how to be fully satisfied by her. When I’m left feeling unsatisfied, the trap is to blame my wife, but the reality is that I’ve lost satisfaction in my Lord.
Think about it. Sin is what robs our greatest satisfaction (although it provides a temporary pleasure). If freedom from sin is the ultimate satisfaction, then it is NOT our spouse’ responsibility to satisfy us because they can’t deliver us from sin. It is Jesus’ responsibility to satisfy us because only He can deliver us from sin, and it is our responsibility to seek His satisfaction through obedience (even when obedience seems to bring about temporary displeasure). Therefore, the key to love’s satisfaction is my satisfaction in Jesus Christ.
So go ahead… be selfish! Seek all the satisfaction you can find IN GOD. Seek to love your spouse by fulfilling your satisfaction in all that Jesus says and does. Follow Jesus’ example of loving them… and this will bring you true satisfaction.
-Jeremy Gwaltney
